im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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