Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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