I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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