You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
