O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
