Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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