I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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