I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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