you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
