i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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