Three words: puerto rican gang bang
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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