her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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