at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
