Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
