they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
