your parents love me but you hate me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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