I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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