Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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