why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My life is pants optional.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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