i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I love you.
Bad choice
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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