I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
