it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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