Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
