at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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