I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
