saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
