It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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