the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
