I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
