i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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