Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
