you didnt know i had herpes?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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