if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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