something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
