Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
