Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
