the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I want is dick and wine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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