keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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