I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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