In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
