for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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