can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
