Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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