You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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