I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
