OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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