I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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