My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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