when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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