and she was petting her beer can
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
