I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
