I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
