Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
