I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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