In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
