I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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