During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
