You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
