You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
