She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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