theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
