she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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