As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
