it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
