I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
