You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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