I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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