so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
